Chrissy Teigen this week returned to social media following the loss of her baby son Jack with a powerful essay about her ordeal.
The model and TV star bravely documented her harrowing experience with a series of images earlier this month in the hope of helping others who have been through the same thing.
And after privately grieving her son with husband John Legend, Chrissy, 34, has opened up about the traumatic events that led to his tragically premature birth.
The mother-of-two – who had IVF for her other pregnancies but this time conceived naturally during lockdown – had been on bed rest for weeks due to constant bleeding.
Doctors found Chrissy had suffered a partial placenta abruption – where the placenta separates from the uterus – and were trying to get her to 28 weeks when a baby has more chance of surviving outside the body.
But as the bleeding intensified and ‘bags and bags’ of blood transfusions failed to work, Chrissy was admitted to hospital and given the news she desperately didn’t want to hear.
“He just wouldn’t survive this and if it went on any longer, I might not either,” she wrote, recalling how late one night, her doctor told her it was time to say goodbye.
But Chrissy – who was just 20 weeks pregnant by that point – begged for more time, insisting she wanted to wait until she ‘absolutely knew it was time’.
That very night, the realisation came when she went to the toilet and saw the ‘sheer amount of blood and clots’.
As Chrissy was wheeled through the delivery ward, she and John heartbreakingly heard others cheering the arrival of their own newborns.
The epidural was administered, and what followed, Chrissy will ‘never forget’.
“I had always laughed about how much I loved epidurals… not so much this one. I laid there for hours waiting to be told it was time to push,” she said.
“I obviously never had to dilate much, he was still a tiny little guy.
“I had been lying on my side, switching sides every hour or so, whenever the nurse told me to. I remember lying on my right side, looking opposite of John, when I was told to make my switch. I opened my legs and turned to face John and just like that, he was on his way out.
“The doctors yelled for a bit and… I don’t know what to say, even now. He was out.”
As the panic subsided, Chrissy reached for her son, held him and said her ‘private goodbyes’ as her mum sobbed and recited Thai prayers.
Of their precious moments together as mother and son, she continued: “I asked the nurses to show me his hands and feet and I kissed them over and over and over again.
“I have no idea when I stopped. It could have been 10 minutes or an hour.”
The couple – who are also parents to daughter Luna, four, and son Miles, two – are now planning to scatter their son’s ashes beneath a tree in the garden of the new house they bought in anticipation of his arrival.